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Author Topic: Classless "You'll Shoot Your Eye Out" Thread !  (Read 10309 times)

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Re: Classless "You'll Shoot Your Eye Out" Thread !
« Reply #10 on: December 02, 2010, 07:08:32 PM »
[last lines]
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Next to me in the blackness lay my oiled blue steel beauty. The greatest Christmas gift I had ever received, or would ever receive. Gradually, I drifted off to sleep, pringing ducks on the wing and getting off spectacular hip shots.
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I love the smell of peat in the evening.  That smell, you know that earthy smell...  Smells like...whisky !



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Re: Classless "You'll Shoot Your Eye Out" Thread !
« Reply #11 on: December 03, 2010, 07:47:00 AM »
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Over the years I got to be quite a connoisseur of soap. Though my personal preference was for Lux, I found that Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor - heavy, but with a touch of mellow smoothness. Life Buoy, on the other hand... YECCHH!
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I love the smell of peat in the evening.  That smell, you know that earthy smell...  Smells like...whisky !



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cyclist

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Re: Classless "You'll Shoot Your Eye Out" Thread !
« Reply #12 on: December 06, 2010, 10:04:00 AM »
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Grover Dill! Scut Farkus' little toadie. Mean! Rotten! His lips curled over his green teeth.

Ralphie: Scut Farkus!
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Scut Farkus! What a rotten name! There he stood, between us and the alley. Scut Farkus staring out at us with his yellow eyes. He had yellow eyes! So, help me, God! Yellow eyes!

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I love the smell of peat in the evening.  That smell, you know that earthy smell...  Smells like...whisky !



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Re: Classless "You'll Shoot Your Eye Out" Thread !
« Reply #13 on: December 09, 2010, 01:55:33 PM »
Miss Shields: Now I know that some of you put Flick up to this, but he has refused to say who. But those who did it know their blame, and I'm sure that the guilt you must feel would be far worse than any punishment you might receive. Now, don't you feel terrible? Don't you feel remorse for what you have done? Well, that's all I'm going to say about poor Flick.
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Adults loved to say things like that but kids knew better. We knew darn well it was always better not to get caught.
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I love the smell of peat in the evening.  That smell, you know that earthy smell...  Smells like...whisky !



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Re: Classless "You'll Shoot Your Eye Out" Thread !
« Reply #14 on: December 10, 2010, 07:19:29 PM »
Mr. Parker: What is the name of the Lone Ranger's nephew's horse?
Mother: Ah... Victor! His name is Victor.
Mr. Parker: How the hell did you know that?
Mother: Everybody knows that!
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I love the smell of peat in the evening.  That smell, you know that earthy smell...  Smells like...whisky !



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Re: Classless "You'll Shoot Your Eye Out" Thread !
« Reply #15 on: December 12, 2010, 05:34:29 PM »
Flick: Are you kidding? Stick my tongue to that stupid pole? That's dumb!
Schwartz: That's 'cause you know it'll stick!
Flick: You're full of it!
Schwartz: Oh yeah?
Flick: Yeah!
Schwartz: Well I double-DOG-dare ya!
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] NOW it was serious. A double-dog-dare. What else was there but a "triple dare ya"? And then, the coup de grace of all dares, the sinister triple-dog-dare.
Schwartz: I TRIPLE-dog-dare ya!
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Schwartz created a slight breach of etiquette by skipping the triple dare and going right for the throat!
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I love the smell of peat in the evening.  That smell, you know that earthy smell...  Smells like...whisky !



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Re: Classless "You'll Shoot Your Eye Out" Thread !
« Reply #16 on: December 13, 2010, 04:43:30 PM »
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] My little brother had not eaten voluntarily in over three years.
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I love the smell of peat in the evening.  That smell, you know that earthy smell...  Smells like...whisky !



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Re: Classless "You'll Shoot Your Eye Out" Thread !
« Reply #17 on: December 14, 2010, 08:40:29 AM »
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Meanwhile, I struggled for exactly the right BB gun hint. It had to be firm, but subtle.
Ralphie: Flick says he saw some grizzly bears near Pulaski's candy store!
[everyone stares at Ralphie]
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] They looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears.
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I love the smell of peat in the evening.  That smell, you know that earthy smell...  Smells like...whisky !



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Re: Classless "You'll Shoot Your Eye Out" Thread !
« Reply #18 on: December 15, 2010, 03:35:45 PM »
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] The line waiting to see Santa Claus stretched all the way back to Terre Haute. And I was at the end of it.
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I love the smell of peat in the evening.  That smell, you know that earthy smell...  Smells like...whisky !



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Re: Classless "You'll Shoot Your Eye Out" Thread !
« Reply #19 on: December 16, 2010, 11:48:20 AM »
[Ralphie is visiting Santa at the department store, only he can't remember what he wanted]
Santa Claus: How about a nice football?
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Football? Football? What's a football? With unconscious will my voice squeaked out 'football'.
Santa Claus: Okay, get him out of here.
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] A football? Oh no, what was I doing? Wake up, Stupid! Wake up!
Ralphie: [Ralphie is shoved down the slide, but he stops himself and climbs back up] No! No! I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!
Santa Claus: You'll shoot your eye out, kid.
[Ralphie is visiting Santa at the department store, only he can't remember what he wanted]
Santa Claus: How about a nice football?
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Football? Football? What's a football? With unconscious will my voice squeaked out 'football'.
Santa Claus: Okay, get him out of here.
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] A football? Oh no, what was I doing? Wake up, Stupid! Wake up!
Ralphie: [Ralphie is shoved down the slide, but he stops himself and climbs back up] No! No! I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!
Santa Claus: You'll shoot your eye out, kid.
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I love the smell of peat in the evening.  That smell, you know that earthy smell...  Smells like...whisky !



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